shapeupship | [TEXT] ONE.

WOW. THIS IS HILARIOUS. I AM LITERALLY SITTING HERE AND LAUGHING MY ASS OFF OR ROLLING ON THE FLOOR OR DOING WHATEVER SHITTY THINGS YOU PINK-FLESHED ALIENS DO WHEN SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPENS.
ACTUALLY, WAIT. NOTHING FUNNY HAS HAPPENED. SO I'M NOT REALLY LAUGHING AT ALL. IN FACT, I WANT TO KNOW WHY THE FUCK I'M ON A SHIP BEING TOLD THAT I'M DEAD. I DON'T REMEMBER DYING. OBVIOUSLY, IT HAPPENED. I GUESS I'M NOT SURPRISED. IT'S JUST ANOTHER THING I HAPPENED TO FUCK UP ON.
OKAY, SO I'M DEAD. SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW.
AM I *REALLY* SUPPOSED TO TRY AND MEND MY WAYS. ARE YOU SHITTING ME. I'M LAUGHING AGAIN, ONLY THIS TIME, AT YOUR PROFOUNDLY RIDICULOUS IDEA THAT BETTERING MYSELF WILL ALLOW ME TO BE RAISED FROM THE DEAD AGAIN. WOW. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS. HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH SUCH A PERFECT WAY TO SUCKER DEAD LOSERS INTO TAKING CARE OF YOUR GHOST SHIP. I THINK WE'VE FOUND THE WINNER OF THIS YEAR'S BIGGEST VOMIT-INDUCING SACK OF NOOK EXCREMENT AWARD!
IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, AND I'M PRETTY SURE THEY WON'T, I'M GOING TO SIT IN THIS ROOM AND CONTEMPLATE THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE AND WONDER HOW I ROYALLY SCREWED EVERYTHING UP. THANKS.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's no reason to insult me, [he retorts, taken aback and somewhat affronted.]

And, well, yes, I have been. Doing miracles here and there, as I said.

[he insults everyone. get used to it]

You did say. And I still don't believe you. Even if you did, not like it;d help me.

[He probably won't get used to it, honestly. He's fussy like that. Aziraphale doesn't often admit that he's an angel to anyone, so he can't say he has a lot of experience with getting a kneejerk reaction of disbelief. It does make sense. It's all a lot for a mortal mind to take in.

He doesn't exactly have reason to be offended, he tells himself, but finds that he's slightly miffed anyway.]

Must you believe me in order for us to work together? It's not a, a parlor trick to be done for your credulity. I'm much more concerned with planning out your stay here.

No, of course it doesn't. But like I told you, I'm not expecting anything from you or anyone else on this fucking death ship. No matter how nice or generous I be, I don't plan on being revived.

You don't have to be revived, [he answers, slightly puzzled at his vehemence over this.] If you'd rather, you can go onto the afterlife. That is the third option.

[Aziraphale is maybe the only Warden on board that would advocate giving up on his life if that's what he wants to do.]

[he's silent for a moment, considering this. would the afterlife be like a dream bubble? would he have to go through existence knowing that he wasn't the Alpha version of himself and that he'd royally screw everything up?]

What's the last option? [it comes out a bit defeated, actually]

[His tone makes Aziraphale concerned. :( Since he doesn't know which options Karkat has heard yet, he lists them all.]

You may return to your life for a second chance, move on to the afterlife, or stay here as a warden yourself and make your own wish. It's up to you. [A moment's silence, then he offers,] I will support you in whatever you wish, Mr. Vantas. It's your fate in the balance and hardly my place to interfere.

I can become a warden?

Oh-- yes, of course. That is one of the options.

Are you interested?

I don't know. Spending my life watching over poor sods who are promised life after death on a big-ass prison ship...

[still it pings to his interest in leadership]

You needn't spend your entire life doing it. You could change your mind later and take one of your other options. And you realize that we do get granted a wish, don't you?

Yeah, think I heard that somewhere.

[TEXT] ONE.

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