[TEXT] ONE.

[crabkind]

WOW. THIS IS HILARIOUS. I AM LITERALLY SITTING HERE AND LAUGHING MY ASS OFF OR ROLLING ON THE FLOOR OR DOING WHATEVER SHITTY THINGS YOU PINK-FLESHED ALIENS DO WHEN SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPENS.
ACTUALLY, WAIT. NOTHING FUNNY HAS HAPPENED. SO I'M NOT REALLY LAUGHING AT ALL. IN FACT, I WANT TO KNOW WHY THE FUCK I'M ON A SHIP BEING TOLD THAT I'M DEAD. I DON'T REMEMBER DYING. OBVIOUSLY, IT HAPPENED. I GUESS I'M NOT SURPRISED. IT'S JUST ANOTHER THING I HAPPENED TO FUCK UP ON.
OKAY, SO I'M DEAD. SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW.
AM I *REALLY* SUPPOSED TO TRY AND MEND MY WAYS. ARE YOU SHITTING ME. I'M LAUGHING AGAIN, ONLY THIS TIME, AT YOUR PROFOUNDLY RIDICULOUS IDEA THAT BETTERING MYSELF WILL ALLOW ME TO BE RAISED FROM THE DEAD AGAIN. WOW. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS. HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH SUCH A PERFECT WAY TO SUCKER DEAD LOSERS INTO TAKING CARE OF YOUR GHOST SHIP. I THINK WE'VE FOUND THE WINNER OF THIS YEAR'S BIGGEST VOMIT-INDUCING SACK OF NOOK EXCREMENT AWARD!
IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, AND I'M PRETTY SURE THEY WON'T, I'M GOING TO SIT IN THIS ROOM AND CONTEMPLATE THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE AND WONDER HOW I ROYALLY SCREWED EVERYTHING UP. THANKS.

Comments

[text;]

[ruineaxt]

Yeah. He ain't been in my business too much.

But he's dead too.

[text]

[crabkind]

THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK, IS IT?
THAT IS PROOF THAT THIS IS ALL A BUNCH OF MUSCLEBEAST MANURE. FUCKING SHIP CAN'T KEEP ITS FUCKING RULES STRAIGHT.

[text]

[ruineaxt]

Which part, him being dead? Nah, that part's okay I think.

He already went through this kind thing, he said. Which blows. I'd rather just get to re-dying than have to look after dead assholes.

[text]

[crabkind]

I DIDN'T THINK WARDENS WERE ALLOWED TO BE DEAD. I THOUGHT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO GET SOME MAGICAL WISH GRANTED IF THEY TURNED THEIR INMATE INTO A MINDLESS SLAVE.
NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!

[text]

[ruineaxt]

Making sense or not doesn't change the bits we know.

We died. We're on some boat, for some reason that ain't clear, and some people to look after us or whatever. We've been told everything from we can go back to life, to go back to being dead if we 'change'.

We can go in circles all damn day but it ain't gonna help anything.

[text]

[crabkind]

I THINK THAT IS THE SMARTEST THING YOU'VE SAID ALL DAY. FUCK THIS SHIT. FORGET I ASKED ANYTHING.
WOW.
I THINK I'LL JUST TRY TO FIND THE CAPTAIN HIMSELF.

[text]

[ruineaxt]

Good luck finding anyone who works here other than the wardens.

If you do let us know.

[text]

[crabkind]

OH YOU CAN BE SURE I WILL. I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

[text]

[ruineaxt]

Cool. So you got a name?

[A pause.]

I mean the all-caps and grey is a giveaway, but still.

[text]

[crabkind]

YOU'VE SEEN MY QUIRK BEFORE? ARE YOU A TROLL?

[text]

[ruineaxt]

Your-- what?

No. You're just the only asshole on this thing putting that much effort into it.

So if you type something again I'm gonna know you're the same whiny bitch.

[text]

[crabkind]

OH FUNNY. HAHAHA.
MY NAME IS KARKAT. I'M A TROLL. ALL TROLLS HAVE A SPECIAL TYPING QUIRK. THIS ONE'S MINE. SO, YES, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO KNOW WHO I AM UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE DECIDES TO STEAL MY QUIRK. BUT I WOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT.
I'VE ALSO HEARD *WHINY BITCH* BEFORE. YOU'RE NOT ORIGINAL.

[text]

[ruineaxt]

...Sure. So why do you all type like that?

Gotcha. I'm Shinjiro Aragaki.

Yeah, I ain't. But maybe you just keep earning it.

[text]

[crabkind]

WHY DO *YOU ALL* WORK SO HARD TO BE THE MOST UNINTELLIGENT CREATURES IN THE UNIVERSE? WHY DO *YOU ALL* THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY IMPORTANT BEINGS AND THAT YOUR HABITS OR LIFESTYLES ARE SUPERIOR TO OTHERS? WHY DO *YOU ALL* THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE TO DISCUSS FUCKING REPRODUCTIONAL HABITS SO CASUALLY IN YOUR CONVERSATIONS?
HUMANS ARE DISGUSTING.

[text]

[ruineaxt]

The hell are you going on about?

[text]

[crabkind]

WE ALL TYPE LIKE THAT BECAUSE WE DO. OKAY? IT'S PART OF OUR CULTURE/NATURE. THERE'S NO DEEP AND MEANINGFUL REASON. THE QUIRKS DON'T POSSESS MAGICAL PROPERTIES. IT'S JUST A THING WE DO.
THE END.

[text]

[ruineaxt]

Alright.

And to all your questions: it depends on who you're talking to.

Re: [text]

[crabkind]

I REALLY DIDN'T CARE FOR AN ANSWER.

Re: [text]

[ruineaxt]

So? You want me to ask your damn permission before I respond?

[text]

[crabkind]

YOU DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT, AND I'LL DO WHATEVER I WANT. YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE AN INCOMPETENT ASSHOLE IF THAT WILL PLEASE YOU.
AND I'LL PROBABLY DO THE SAME FOR ME SINCE I CAN'T SEEM TO GO ONE CONVERSATION WITHOUT STUFFING MY GODDAMN FOOT IN MY FACE HOLE. DOES THAT SOUND FAIR?

Re: [text]

[ruineaxt]

I'm pretty sure that's the same thing we were doing before.

So yeah, fair.

[text]

[crabkind]

GREAT. SOUNDS AWESOME.
...
AND I THINK I JUST FOUND MY WARDEN. FUCK.

Re: [text]

[ruineaxt]

Oh yeah? He an asshole, or all touchy-feely? Or something else?

Re: [text]

[crabkind]

HE'S AN ANGEL.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE HIM. HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S GOT A STICK UP HIS ASS.

[text]

[ruineaxt]

[wat. The only angels he knows are the ones the Leader summons...]

Angel as in....?
That blows. Just avoid him.