[TEXT] ONE.

[crabkind]

WOW. THIS IS HILARIOUS. I AM LITERALLY SITTING HERE AND LAUGHING MY ASS OFF OR ROLLING ON THE FLOOR OR DOING WHATEVER SHITTY THINGS YOU PINK-FLESHED ALIENS DO WHEN SOMETHING FUNNY HAPPENS.
ACTUALLY, WAIT. NOTHING FUNNY HAS HAPPENED. SO I'M NOT REALLY LAUGHING AT ALL. IN FACT, I WANT TO KNOW WHY THE FUCK I'M ON A SHIP BEING TOLD THAT I'M DEAD. I DON'T REMEMBER DYING. OBVIOUSLY, IT HAPPENED. I GUESS I'M NOT SURPRISED. IT'S JUST ANOTHER THING I HAPPENED TO FUCK UP ON.
OKAY, SO I'M DEAD. SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW.
AM I *REALLY* SUPPOSED TO TRY AND MEND MY WAYS. ARE YOU SHITTING ME. I'M LAUGHING AGAIN, ONLY THIS TIME, AT YOUR PROFOUNDLY RIDICULOUS IDEA THAT BETTERING MYSELF WILL ALLOW ME TO BE RAISED FROM THE DEAD AGAIN. WOW. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS. HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH SUCH A PERFECT WAY TO SUCKER DEAD LOSERS INTO TAKING CARE OF YOUR GHOST SHIP. I THINK WE'VE FOUND THE WINNER OF THIS YEAR'S BIGGEST VOMIT-INDUCING SACK OF NOOK EXCREMENT AWARD!
IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, AND I'M PRETTY SURE THEY WON'T, I'M GOING TO SIT IN THIS ROOM AND CONTEMPLATE THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE AND WONDER HOW I ROYALLY SCREWED EVERYTHING UP. THANKS.

Comments

[text]

[crabkind]

OH MY GOD. GOOD FOR YOU. I ALREADY FEEL HAPPIER KNOWING I AM NOT THE ONLY BIGGEST FUCK-UP THAT EVER LIVED. IT IS SO COMFORTING TO KNOW THAT ALL MY PAST TRANSGRESSIONS CAN BE WIPED AWAY BY JUST PUTTING A FUCKING SMILE ON MY FACE! A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE!

[king_of_spades]

Well, I'm glad I made you feel better about it.

And take it easy on the swear words man. (you are talking to a king after all.)

[text]

[crabkind]

CAN'T HANDLE A LITTLE SWEARING, PRINCESS? ARE YOUR PANSYASS HUMAN HEAR HOLES TOO FUCKING MODEST TO TAKE IN THE SOUNDS OF SOMEONE ELSE CURSING TO THE HEAVENS?
WHAT A FUCKING TOOL, YOU FUCKING SHITSTAIN FUCK-FACE.

[text]

[king_of_spades]

Oh I can handle them alright. But I try to shake it off, my Queen will be very unhappy if he hears any conversations with even minimal swearing. My Queen will be furious to say the least.

[text]

[crabkind]

OH. YOUR QUEEN WILL BE UNHAPPY. I'M SHAKING IN MY SHOES. I'M PISSING MYSELF IN FEAR. GOD NO PLEASE DON'T LET YOUR QUEEN HURT ME.

[text]

[king_of_spades]

Well he won't physically hurt you. Punishments and assassination orders are usually handled by my dungeon keeper and myself.

[text]

[crabkind]

I WAS BEING SARCASTIC, ASSHAT. AND ARE YOU THREATENING ME?

[text]

[king_of_spades]

Oh I never really got the grasp of this sarcasm bit. Depends. Will you continue cursing?

[text]

[crabkind]

OH YES BECAUSE YOU'VE HELPED ME SEE THE GODDAMN LIGHT, AND SHIT. I AM GOING TO TURN OVER A NEW LEAF ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.

[text]

[king_of_spades]

And yet your still cursing. A fair warning, that'll get you in trouble.

[text]

[crabkind]

FUCK.
YOU.

[text]

[king_of_spades]

Really, such terrible language you have. I look forward to meeting you in person.

[text]

[crabkind]

I DON'T LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU. I HOPE WE NEVER CROSS PATHS. IF WE DO, I'LL BE SURE TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

[text]

[king_of_spades]

Good luck trying!